Not Just One Crayon
This unknown dig that I am in the awkward process of trying to discover ,is a journey I am most certain many people on this planet experience at some point in their lives. Not knowing the next step, purpose, passion and what our truest calling is ,probably is one of the most challenging and difficult times in ones existence. However wholeheartedly, I can honestly say that these times are what bring us closer to our higher self. The questions we must ask ourselves will begin the process of the unraveling that will then create the necessity to hunker down and survive the storms that come with creating change. Once we feel deep inside that certainty and the hard pull there is something else, we need to trust it, follow it and loudly say “It’s Time To Jump” and begin the building of a new and fresh life.
This is why I have decided to share my personal journey and all the struggles that come with this life chapter for me, as I know I am not alone on this rollercoaster called LIFE.This process of shedding and rediscovering oneself is most definitely a milestone towards our ultimate destiny.
As I strip down to my naked self,I surrender to the letting go and releasing of programmed judgements and expectations of what I always thought I needed to be. As I now reflect,I can see that my need for achievement and collecting beautiful objects clothed ,covered up and numbed insecurities that kept me from knowing who ultimately I Am and my magical and complex inner world… the purest essence of Mia. It is liberating to know that my greater self can be salvaged from the suffocation of gunk that I have strategically stacked through the years.The time is now to melt it away layer by layer so that my glorious sovereign can breathe the simple yet everescent air that bathes me. One of the answers I have gotten through this dig so far is… I Am not only one crayon. I am an absolute creator and an artist 10000000% no matter what field that may be..However, I can honestly say that I have been coloring with only one crayon most of my life and now the rest of the dusty box of crayons are summoning for me.
I started working, teaching and creating at an early age of 8 years old and quickly learned that I could gain adoration and material things by being very good at something. I didn’t even question if I even really ever enjoyed doing it…Its what I knew and I was naturally good at it. I spent the next 46 years living and building who Mia Michaels was in the world and building the life that went with it. I have always felt an emptiness and loneliness that I could never quite fill. I had been trying to “burn that ship” that I had outgrew decades ago, but I stayed in it to maintain the life I had always dreamed to live. I couldn’t figure out the “how to get out”, “what to do next” or “where to go” to start over in my next creative career. Choosing something that would desperately light my soul on fire.. I stayed longer and longer while my soul tried to escape from the stagnant lack of moves and choices I never made. I stayed in this cycle until the unpredictable power of Covid hit the world in the most unimaginable and explosive way. It felt like my existence ,career and everything I had spent a lifetime to acquire ,disintegrated into little bitty pieces all around me. I believe ultimately this disintegration was secretly what I had wanted and prayed for and had finally arrived. A scary and desperate time where it gave me the courage inside of a crisis to start over from the beginning…to go back and remember my box of crayons. This was a blessing, a gift from God to begin again ,recreate and reinvent a newer and purer version of myself. Hence, why I am diligently exploring my words and thoughts to uncover the new direction of my future while simultaneously fighting the old programming of my past to not be pulled back into my old life. Is it terrifying? Absolutely Fucking YES!
Fearlessly and Faithfully I am moving into the unknown without an answer. Just trusting I am dancing in the right direction . Yes, I said DANCE.. movement will always be deep in my bones and it will always be a beautiful crayon that I can color with at any time I choose. That crayon was and is a gift that I am grateful for ,and now its time to check out all the other crayons in my box of life. We are more than just one color….We are a plethora of textured and brilliant colored crayons that are waiting to be used to create the next and greatest painting of our life.
Live Harder….Live Deeper…..LIVE ALIVE